


you're the light

by starwarringavengers



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: And he just loves Rey, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a Mess, Canon Compliant, F/M, First Love, First Time, There is everything in between, There is love, There is touch-starved Rey and Ben, There is virgin Rey, This...is about 5000 words of smut, there is angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-08
Updated: 2020-01-08
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:27:10
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22168600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starwarringavengers/pseuds/starwarringavengers
Summary: Rey does not know another person’s touch in the desert. She had no mother to hold her close and do her hair, she had no friends, and certainly no lovers. All touch was to her, until Finn showed up in her life and took her hand, was the coarseness of sand and the scraping of hot metal and the sting of the sun on her skin. She never figured that touch could be soft or gentle.And then Ben shows her how.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 38
Kudos: 314





	you're the light

**Author's Note:**

> This....is so much longer than I had intended it to be. Enjoy. Please let me know what you think! <3

Rey does not know another person’s touch in the desert. She had no mother to hold her close and do her hair, she had no friends, and certainly no lovers. All touch was to her, until Finn showed up in her life and took her hand, was the coarseness of sand and the scraping of hot metal and the sting of the sun on her skin. She never figured that touch could be soft or gentle.

Rey suffers through most of the hugs her friends give her. Even Leia, Rey sometimes has to grit her teeth. It’s not that she doesn’t like the hugs, it’s just that they’re unfamiliar. Abrupt touching is not something that Rey does well with, and often, hugs are too spontaneous. She wants to be able to control affection on her own terms. She’s getting better, after months around people who show their affection for each other so physically morning and night, and again a few hours apart, all of the touches laced with excitement and love and reassurance.

But she’s still _just_ getting there.

It’s why she’d only held out her hand to Ben. If their fingertips could touch, she’d understand the feel of his palm when it eventually would slide against hers, or up her arm, or to her face. A series of predictable events, that touch would be.

But in her dreams, he touches her. And it feels _good._ Not like the spontaneity of hugs or back claps or shoulder grips - no, it’s always familiar, his fingertips sliding up her shins to round out her knees or the faint scrape of stubble on his chin against the tender skin of her breast. The sheets are soft against her back and the brush of his hair against her skin tickles, but it’s gentle. He’s gentle. And this is how she knows they’re dreams.

Because every time their Bond opens, his Force signature is intense and passionate and always simmering, like at any moment he could take her head clean off with the crackling of a red saber. But the way he _speaks_ to her is so at odds with the energy surrounding him, of how he looks and sometimes how he glares at her. His voice is always soft, always gently nudging at her, like he’s more interested in learning her than he is scaring her away.

She could never be scared away regardless.

Rey is too enamored with him to be frightened, too attracted to push him out of her consciousness when he appears. They’ve gathered some control over the Bond, but they are two very lonely people, and so, the connection stays open more often than not.

He says her name this time, while she’s curled up in her spot on base with Luke’s books open on her lap. Ben appears before her sitting in a chair, shirtless, looking up at her with dark eyes. Rey snaps the book shut and sits up straight.

“I want to ask you something,” he says softly, and Rey raises an eyebrow at him, heart hammering in her chest as he looks at her. His aura is never this calm, and his eyes are never this soft. At least, not recently. She waits for him to continue. “Why do you not think I could be gentle with you?”

If the Bond didn’t dampen sound already to the point of nonexistence, it goes so silent now that Rey can hear the blood rushing in her veins.

“What are you talking about?” she growls, aware of how her face is flushing and her breath is hitching as she watches Ben stand and walk to another side of the room, picking up a glass of water and downing it in one long gulp. He’s teasing her, he _must_ be.

Rey is positively trembling - whether from rage or embarrassment or desire, she’s completely unsure. “You’re seeing my dreams,” Rey huffs then, coming to the conclusion on her own before Ben gets the chance to tell her what she already knows.

“You’re pulling me into them,” Ben says quietly.

“That’s not possible,” Rey snaps, now glaring down at the floor beneath his feet. Flashes of shiny black duracrete appear every time he walks. Suddenly he’s standing before her, hand held out for her to take. But this time, it’s only to help her off the floor, which she does without any feeling, her legs weak underneath her as she looks at Ben. Her hand is small in his palm, which is warm and dry and covered in little callouses where he grips his saber, and the pads of his fingers. Hers looks the same way.

“Where are you?” he asks then, and Rey barely hears him, just registers enough to shake her head. She’s still staring at her hand in his.

“I can’t tell you that,” she whispers.

“Pick a spot, then. I’ll meet you there.”

“Where?”

“Anywhere you want to go.”

“Why?” Rey asks, finally gathering enough courage to look him in the eye. All she sees there is patience.

“So I can show you that I _will_ be gentle.”

***

She has no idea what possesses her to actually get on a small transport ship and leave the atmosphere of Ajan Kloss. Rey is practically in a daze when she jumps into hyperspace and heads towards Endor. What is she giving away by letting him know that they’re in the Outer Rim? Is it something he already knows?

Should she be doing this?

Rey practically holds her breath as she touches the transport down in the middle of a clearing, hoping to all that’s good that this isn’t some horrible trap. When she sees the sleek black X-70B _Phantom-_ class ship enter the atmosphere and head towards her, she fears for a moment that it is. But the Force tells her that there’s no living thing on that ship but Ben. When he steps off the X-Wing, the ramp comes down and Rey is face to face with Ben Solo, trembling in something like excitement and anticipation. He crosses to her, looks her in the face, and holds out his hand.

“Do you trust me?” he asks, voice gentle and his hand held out again, every time with a different offering. And when he’s like this, looking down at her with an oversized sweater and the slightest smirk, Rey _does_ trust him. Because Kylo Ren is nowhere to be found in this man. This is all Ben Solo, offering her something she’s never had.

“Yes,” Rey tells him tentatively, and takes his hand. He slowly threads their fingers together and pulls her towards the ship, rubbing soothing little circles on her knuckle as they board. Rey feels a brief flash of fear when the ramp slides shut behind them, but when she meets Ben’s eye he’s smiling a little bit again, and she feels better.

_How do we do this?_

“However you want,” Ben replies aloud, leading her quietly and slowly towards the sleeping compartment, as if giving her time to run. But she doesn’t want to. All she can see is her dreams of him, where his lips are pillow-soft and he responds to her every need with gentle kisses and touches and soft words. Suddenly she longs to kiss him, to see if he really does taste like mint and a little bit of caf.

Rey steps forward as if intending to do just that, but it’s Ben who stops her. He shakes his head, and points to the edge of the bed, that’s outfitted with black sheets.

“Sit,” he tells her quietly. So, Rey sits. Ben looks at her for a moment before kicking off his boots and promptly dropping to his knees before her.

“What -“

“Relax,” Ben says, holding his hands up in a gesture of surrender, as if he’s making sure she can see them. Then, he takes her hand in his again and slowly, _slowly_ brings it to his lips.

The first brush of his lips against her knuckles is electric and it startles both of them, the way the Force begins to swirl around them, as if it’s sighing and willing them to pull each other closer. Ben meets her gaze and presses his lips to the tender inside of her wrist, fingers deftly finding the fastening of her armband and pulling, letting the whole thing unravel in a tangle of fabric. His kiss skates up her inner arm, reaching the inside of her elbow, and Rey is _trembling._

She’s never let anyone touch her like this before.

“Okay?” Ben asks, and when he looks up, Rey sees that he’s almost as breathless as she feels. She can only nod.

He repeats his trail up her other arm, before taking both her hands and leading them to lock around his neck. Ben gives her a reassuring nod when she tangles her fingers in his hair, feeling the soft strands and marveling at how right her dreams were, _or perhaps they weren’t dreams?_

Ben’s fingertips just brush her upper arms, his eyes still on hers when he reaches her collarbone and then caresses her neck, before finally cupping her face in his hands. Rey leans forward on something like instinct, and when their lips meet, the Bond _sings._ His hand curls around the back of her neck, the other sliding a stray lock of hair behind her ear as they learn the feeling of their mouthes pressing together. Gentle and short at first, as he lets her explore how she wants to kiss him. Then, hungrier and longer, his tongue tracing her bottom lip as a shiver starts at the base of her spine.

Before she knows it, they’re parting and there’s a silent question in Ben’s eyes. Despite being unable to read the intent, Rey nods. And then his lips are trailing behind her ear and down her neck and _oh, she’s never felt anything so good in her life._ It’s erotic, the way his mouth closes over her pulse point and his hands pull her hair from her buns at the same time. Her own hands explore the slope of his shoulders, feeling the muscles bunching and tensing beneath her palms and loving the feel of his heartbeat against her hand when she presses it to his chest.

“May I keep going?” Ben asks then, his voice so strained against the skin of her neck, as if he’s gritting his teeth at holding himself back.

“Yes,” Rey tells him.

“Tell me if it’s too fast,” he instructs her, and Rey nods as she watches his hands travel from her arms to her belt, gently unlocking the fastening and sliding it off with care. Her vest is the next thing to go, when he unzips it from her collarbone and leads her to remove it. Rey doesn’t miss the way his eyes rove over her newly exposed skin.

Ben leans back then, holding a hand out in front of her foot for her to place it in his palm. She does, watching as he carefully slides her boots and socks off and seems to take special care not to touch her more than necessary. She wonders vaguely why, and then wonders if she could really handle it if he weren’t like that.

 _I don’t want to scare you off,_ he thinks to her, _I want to touch every inch of you, but I want you to want it._

Oh, she wants it. She _craves_ it, actually - she wants him more than she’s wanted anything in her life, and she knows what want feels like.

Slowly, Ben lifts his hands again and sets them on Rey’s waist, waiting for her reaction before pulling her forward a little bit to meet him at the edge of the bed. He’s nearly as tall as her kneeling even as she’s seated, and they’re perfectly eye level when he reaches up and drags the back of his finger along her collarbone. Then, to the skin exposed by the vee of her shirt, then lower, between the valley of her breasts and down her stomach, all of this over the fabric. His hands aren’t even touching her bare skin yet and Rey feels like she’s going to short-circuit.

Without warning him, Rey reaches out and pulls the collar of his sweater, leading him to pull it off and drop it to the floor somewhere else in the room. He’s long stretches of lean muscle and pale skin marked by scars and birthmarks and moles and Rey wants to kiss them all, to make constellations on his skin that only she’ll know the names of. But for now, she settles for sliding her hands up his arms and then to his chest, her whole body warm at the feeling of touching him. Ben lets her explore, a soft look in his eyes as he watches her.

Deciding she’s ready to continue, Rey pulls her hands away and catches the hem of her tunic in her hands and pulls it off before she can scare herself out of it. The look in Ben’s eyes goes hungry.

“Move back, Rey,” Ben says, nodding his head in the direction of the rest of the bed. Heart in her throat, Rey pulls herself off of the edge and instead lays back on the soft sheets, a momentary feeling of giddiness washing over her at how _soft_ it all is.

When Ben pulls himself up next to her, Rey takes his hand and for a moment, she traces the lines of his long fingers and examines his palm, before finally pressing it against her chest. His touch is careful as he brushes his fingertips over the planes of her, from her collarbone to the swell of her breasts to her stomach. When his fingertips brush over her nipples, Rey is almost surprised by how quickly they pebble, responding to him before she has the chance to allow it. But then, does her body ever do what she wants it to? It wants him, and she has barely a say in what her heart wants, let alone her body.

Moving over her, Ben slowly leans down and presses a kiss above her heart, marking the trail that his hands had taken before finally wrapping his lips around her nipple. Rey arches against him at the sensation, hands tangling in his hair as he swirls his tongue. There is nothing like this in the whole _galaxy,_ Rey figures. Nothing will feel as good as what he’s doing to her right now. She can’t even begin to imagine what feeling his mouth other places will do to her. She doesn’t dwell on the thought long enough for it to consume her like she knows it has the potential of doing. Instead, Rey focuses on how his lips are moving downward as he traces the ladder of her ribs, fingers skimming her sides and one hand continuing the path, the callouses of his fingertips grazing lightly over her shin.

That sends a delicious little shiver right up her spine, tingling at the edge of her brain like the Bond tends to do. He takes her foot in his hand then and without warning, presses down with his thumb on her instep and Rey vague considers the fact that she’s _never_ in her life made a noise like the one she makes when he does that. It’s so impossibly _nice,_ to feel the tension in her tendons release at the touch of his fingers, especially as he wraps his hand around her ankle and continues to apply gentle pressure.

It takes a moment for Rey to realize that he’s _laughing -_ Ben Solo is _chuckling_ into her skin as he presses random kisses to her torso. She almost kicks him, but eventually decides against it given that he’s now doing the same thing to her other foot, working out years of pain and soreness that she carries with her just with his hands. If she knew this is what touch could do, she figures she’d have let him touch her sooner.

“I’ll be sure to massage you more often, then,” Ben mutters, gently releasing her leg from around his waist where she’s had it curled. Well, it’s more like his back, since he’s so impossibly large around her like this she feels like he’s a blanket covering her whole being, and she finds that she absolutely _loves_ it, even when everything in her brain is willing her to feel otherwise.

“You’re keeping your word, for once,” Rey jokes, breathless as Ben takes her hips in gentle hands and shifts her so he’s lying between her legs. She knows what he intends to do, and suddenly a rope of nerves closes her throat, surrounding her.

“Rey,” he says gently, like a warning. “I’ll stop if you want me to.”

“I don’t want you to,” she tells him honestly, shaking her head.

She can feel when he pushes at her mind in the Bond and finds that she’s just nervous, it’s not that she _doesn’t_ want him, because she very much does. But his mouth? There? That’s something new entirely, and Rey wonders vaguely if she might pass out.

He’s gentle still, as he hooks his index fingers in the hem of her leggings and leads her to lift her hips so he can slide her down, and if just the thought of him between her legs was terrifying, then being _naked_ and having him look at her in the way he is even scarier. The look on Ben’s face is somewhere between awe and lust.

“I want to taste you,” Ben tells her quietly, and Rey feels his arousal through the Bond, how he _wants_ to do that for her, and all she can do is not. She wants it too.

The first brush of his mouth against her has Rey practically flying off the bed. It’s gentle, just a swipe of his tongue along the length of her, but then he chuckles and backs away, instead choosing to press soft kisses to the insides of her thighs.

“Sorry, got too excited,” he jokes, and Rey laughs breathlessly as she loses herself in the feeling of his lips exploring the sensitive skin at the junction of her thigh, biting softly as she trembles beneath him. He must be able to sense exactly what she’s feeling through the Bond, because the moment her body relaxes and eases, Ben returns his face to what lies between her legs.

This time, he doesn’t give her time to think about it. He leans in and kisses her, moaning as his mouth is on her and Rey doesn’t think she’s ever going to hear anything more _erotic_ than that. Their pleasure mixes and courses through the Bond, and it feels absolutely blinding - disorienting, like when it opens for them across star systems and galaxies and allows them to feel each other. The pleasure feels like that.

Ben’s tongue dips up inside her and Rey gasps, body curving under his hands as he drinks from her, intent on taking all that she’ll give him - and she’s certainly giving him everything. Then he finds that little bundle of nerves and his fingers slide inside her as his lips wrap around her and _oh, stars - this_ is the best feeling in the world. She shatters like glass, turns to liquid in his arms as she comes.

It’s all-consuming and for a moment, exhausting. But then she looks down at him and sees him staring at her, dark hair curling around his face and a wicked look in his eye, his mouth red and still wet with her, and Rey wonders if she’s died and passed on. Energy surges through her again and she reaches down tentatively, threading her fingers back through his hair.

“Thank you for letting me give you that,” Ben says softly, pressing a kiss to her hip. Rey raises an eyebrow.

“Don’t thank me - you’re the one who just made me come,” she tells him, and his only answer is a soft laugh as he crawls back up her body, careful still to hold himself above her, to not touch her more than she’s ready for. But she’s ready.

Keeping their eyes locked, Rey reaches up and slides her hands around Ben’s shoulders, clinging to him like a lifeline as she communicates what she wants through the Bond. Ben turns onto his back and allows their positions to be switched, watching her and letting her lead, knowing that this is how she has to do it, first. She has to be in control, at least in the beginning.

Carefully and almost experimentally, Rey reaches up and undoes the fastenings of his black trousers, leading him to pull them off in much the same way he did her. She can see how hard he is beneath the tented black fabric of his briefs, and Rey takes a deep breath as she takes him in, almost naked before her. Before she can give herself time to contemplate the whole thing more than necessary, Rey moves up his body and settles herself over his lap. Ben’s hands curl into fists at his sides, eyes fluttering closed and lips parting. Tentatively, Rey reaches out and places her palms flat on his chest, feeling him beneath her and marveling at all the strength that’s contained there. He’s so _beautiful_ like this, gentle and wanting her and giving into the light that she can see lives inside him.

Ben smiles. “Rey, _you’re_ the light,” he tells her, still keeping his hands away for fear of startling her. Rey smiles back despite herself.

Dark brown eyes lock with her lighter gaze as Rey trails her fingertips down the ridges of his torso, intent on memorizing how he looks like this. She doesn’t realize that her hips are moving of their own accord until she hears a strangled little moan fall from Ben’s lips.

Rey stills immediately.

“No,” Ben shakes his head, “You don’t have to stop, I just,” he can’t seem to get the rest of the words out.

“Does that,” Rey breathes, “Does that feel _good?”_

Ben laughs a little again, hands fisted in the dark sheets of the bed.

“Yes, Rey, that feels _very_ good.”

She shudders. “It feels good for me, too,” she admits, and slowly circles her hips around again. Ben lets out another moan and Rey feels it in her whole body, the way the sound travels up her spine.

 _Ben, I want -_ she can’t even think it.

_Anything, Rey. Anything._

_I’d like you to touch me more._

_Where?_

_Anywhere, I think._

Ben seems to find new resolve as their minds trade information, and slowly he reaches up and takes Rey’s hips in his hands and _oh_ how nice that is, to feel his strong touch as it travels up to her waist, kneading gently as she continues to rock against his clothes cock. Then one of his hands travels down the plane of her stomach to her cunt, his thumb gently circling that hardened ball of nerves that he’d wrapped his lips around. Rey lets out a choked sob as he brings her to orgasm again, just with his hands.

“I want,” Rey gasps again, the tingling sensation that covers her body not ceasing as quickly this time.

“Tell me, Rey. Please. Tell me what you want.”

His voice is so _soft_ when he speaks to her like that, like she’s the only thing in the galaxy that matters.

“I want you, now,” Rey whispers, slowly sliding off of him.

“Are you sure?”

“Shut up, Ben Solo,” Rey attempts humor despite her nerves, “I’m sure.”

He lets her go at her own pace again, lets her pull his briefs down inch by inch.

Ben is…well, Ben is _beautiful,_ every single inch of him. Rey has seen men before - there wasn’t much privacy on Jakku, or on any of the Resistance bases for that matter - but seeing _all_ of her Ben, seeing the evidence of his desire for her, that’s something totally different. The head of his cock is swollen red and Rey finds herself longing to touch him, to taste him, to cover him with her mouth as he’d done to her. In fact, there’s so much she finds she wants to do that she can’t decide what to do _first._

“Rey,” her name is a strangled moan, and she finally looks up to find Ben looking seriously at her, an expression close to restraint painting his face.

“Will you teach me, sometime?” Rey asks shyly, “How to make you feel the way you made me feel? With my hands and mouth?”

The look in his eyes is pure adoration. “Yes, Rey, I promise I’ll teach you.”

There’s still a strain in his voice, and she figures that it’s probably bordering on cruel to leave him hanging like this while she amuses herself.

So, with trembling hands, Rey leads Ben up and silently asks him to let her lie back again. She sinks into the mattress, feeling a little less exposed and far less self-conscious with him above her, protecting her.

“Ready?” he asks quietly, and Rey nods, her lip trapped in her teeth. Rey finds herself glancing down to watch as he teases his cock against the slit of her, that tiny sensation already spreading through her whole body. “Relax, Rey,” Ben whispers gently, pressing a kiss to her ear. “Let me make you feel good, please.”

She wills her muscles to unclench. And then the tip of his cock is inside her, and the first push is an exquisite sort of pain, a feeling of fullness that she doesn’t understand but only knows she wants _more_ of. Ben watches her face carefully, gauging her reactions as he presses inside her with restraint, his brow furrowed a little bit.

Once her body gets more used to the feeling, Rey feels the Bond open up again, just like she’s opening for him. The last press is fast, as he sinks all the way inside her and Rey whimpers at the feeling. It’s a heady feeling, hot and selfish, in a way.

As Ben stays still inside her, their eyes locked, their heartbeats begin to synch. Then their breath. And the Force becomes a continuous loop between them as their minds open practically without their knowledge or permission, everything flooding through the open channel of what they share. Tears sting Rey’s eyes as Ben stokes her cheek gently.

“Fuck,” he whispers, “Fuck, I don’t know -“

It goes without saying that they don’t know _what_ is happening, or how, or why - but suddenly the world makes sense. He’s her. She’s him. They’re entwined and it’s never made more sense than it does in this moment.

“Ben,” Rey says his name quietly, or at least she thinks she says it, but for all she knows she only thought it. The lines are blurred. “I want you to -“

_I want you to make love to me now._

Was it her thought, or his? Spoken or thought? She doesn’t know, doesn’t know, doesn’t -

But he hears, and Rey can only cling to him as Ben rocks his hips back and then forward, the motion slow and gentle as she gets used to the sensation. What was wonder, slowly gives way to consuming need, their want tangling together as Rey begins to feel the tightening in her stomach again.

“You’re taking me so well, Rey,” Ben whispers quietly, his lips at her ear. She shivers, clutching him impossibly closer. “I love your dreams too, you know. I love when they’re of this, when I can feel how _good_ I make you feel.”

“The dreams, they don’t really capture it all,” Rey jokes, sliding a hand down from his shoulder to his lower back, pulling him into her harder and relishing in his groan. “You’re so, I - _Ben,” I was made for you._

 _Yes,_ he thinks back, and then it becomes a repeated mantra, her name peppered in as she urges him to move faster. They’re crashing together, clinging to each other, chasing pleasure with their bodies, bodies that respond and move and seek and ask for more without a single thought. _Higher, more, yes, this, you, please._

Rey’s next orgasm almost takes her by surprise, she’s so intent on the feelings that surround her, like Ben’s lips on hers and then suddenly she’s crashing, the rope uncoiling and she’s crying into their kiss, whimpering his name.

_Rey, can I please, I need to -_

_Yes,_ she thinks, _Yes, give it to me, I want you. All of you._

She had known that the joining of two bodies like this could be sacred, but that doesn’t begin to cover the feeling of Ben coming inside her, consuming and giving all at once. It’s _holy,_ otherworldly, transcendent - she doesn’t have the right words to describe it.

When he collapses on her, Rey finds that she quite likes the weight of him against her, covering her and holding her like this, as if she’s something to be treasured. His lips trace gentle kisses along her collarbone, her neck, every place he can reach, while Rey cards her fingers through his hair.

Neither of them has to say the words they’ve been thinking for the other to hear.

_I’ve fallen so in love with you, I love you, I adore you._

_You’re the light._


End file.
